


The Winter of Our Discontent

by Burdenedwithgloriousporpoise



Series: Burdened with Glorious Purpose [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Religion & Lore, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Good Loki, Jotunn | Frost Giant, Loki Angst, Loki Redemption, Loki-centric, Mystery, Odin's A+ Parenting, POV Third Person Limited, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6690871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burdenedwithgloriousporpoise/pseuds/Burdenedwithgloriousporpoise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An ancient enemy, royal secrets and a vain heir combine for a perfect storm; in the eye of which Loki claims the uncertain role of savior. Unleashing war for the sake of peace--does that make one a hero or a villain? </p><p>A Loki-centric narrative of the events leading from childhood up to and including Thor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Masks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This one is like a 3rd person omniscient because it's basically my character study/hypothesis/analysis of Loki and Thor as kids :) It'll get more narrative as the story gets more involved...I'm still working on how to split up this monstrosity hehe, it was my first fic ever writ like 3 years ago haha :3
> 
> While it's not technically canon, as in 'mentioned explicitly in the movies', I tried to make it fit in the context and plot of the canon enough to flow naturally into the story. I think it's pretty plausible! XD

Loki was a quiet child. Since childhood both he and his brother Thor had been made aware of their royal heritage. Their father Odin said that both were equally worthy of the throne, but that only one could be king--a fateful statement whose seeds of division and suspect wouldn't be fully felt until later. Young Thor's ambitions were set on friendships and games; to him the future was vague and distant. But even as a child Loki saw actions in light of the future. He began gathering knowledge on kingship and responsibility, watching, listening, and compiling all that he experienced into a standard. As he grew, he measured those who held power against this standard and calculated the effectiveness of their rule. 

The brothers were close, but nearing adolescence things began to change. Outgoing Thor was rooted in the present and won companions by breathing, while introverted Loki weighed actions by future repercussions and was content with the company of his books. As Thor was ingratiated into new circles, though, a strain of loneliness touched his brother. His best friend was drifting away into territory outside his comfort or immediate comprehension.

That bitterness was compounded by another factor. Thor was always more physically imposing, and as they matured this disparity also grew. Loki was slight and fast while his brother was a golden titan, and their sparring matches ended in his defeat. Thor's shadow grew long, and in the contrast scorn was brought upon his brother. Loki hated being constantly overwhelmed and humiliated in a game he couldn't win, and began to turn his focus further on academics.

As Thor watched his brother pull away he began trying to bring him back, but lack of understanding drove them even further apart. He communicated in the way he knew best—playful violence and insult, dragging him into activities Loki found shallow and frustrating with people of the same ilk. His reluctance stung his brother, and frustration simmered in the widening divide. Loki channeled it into books and study and was content. However, warm-hearted and impulsive Thor lacked an equivalent coping device. The outlet of his sorrow became teasing and insult. Loki showed no outward signs and indeed thought he wasn't bothered, but a spark of sadness remained deep inside. 

Reputations were built. Thor became the golden child of the palace, proud of his increasing accomplishments. The pride became arrogance, coddled by a doting father hoping to groom an heir. Loki judged the society around him shallow and became coldly aloof, solidifying the bitterness between the brothers into a wall.

As they continued to age Thor became involved in drink and revelry. Loki retreated further into scholarship, radiating silent disdain. It was around this time that Frigga stepped in, mentoring Loki in magic. Shortly afterwards the brothers were brought together for the next step of their education. Odin took them on a survey of the Nine Realms, and over the course of the trip and the time after Loki noticed a worrying disposition in his brother. 

Thor was undefeated and impulsive; a deadly combination in a would-be king. His tactic was to attack first and create a plan later. Unfortunately, he usually won. The imminent failure of that strategy would bring massive bloodshed. As this pattern was seen again and again in training matches, classes, exercises, excursions, even peace-keeping missions around the Realms, Loki grew nervous and reached out to his brother. Thor was at first joyed, then angry. He was offended that Loki's first words after such a long time of division and hurt should be chiding. The advice went unheeded. 

Loki and Frigga grew closer as she taught him. He confided in her, and she helped him see his hypocrisy and the depth of his arrogance. Ashamed of how he had acted, he extended a tentative hand to his brother once more—but Thor had chosen a different path. Now beloved, honored as hero, practically worshiped by his friends, he was caught up in stardom. The arrogance grew. So did his strength, so did the adoration of the public; so to re-double his ego again. Reconciliation was irrelevant to his new life. Loki felt the coldness of a turned back. 

He continued his studies and became a powerful magician, a brilliant tactician. His mother taught him to use his speed and agility as a platform against bigger opponents. Alone save for his mother, he spent much time exploring, sometimes disappearing for days on end. He found portals that formed shortcuts between Realms. 

On a fateful day his exploration led him to a destroyed village in the remote edges of Asgard. The houses were punctured with gaping holes and the ground was soggy despite the dry climate. There was blood, too—here and there, not much. Scraps of clothing, but nothing more. Loki hurried back to report and ask all-seeing Heimdall what had happened. Heimdall seemed reluctant, but declared any information he might have was exclusively for the king. Loki went to Odin. Here, too, he was met with half-answers and dismissed. Stung and frustrated, he returned to his room and puzzled. 

That night, as Loki worked through what he'd seen, Thor burst in. He reeked of alcohol and staggered into furniture before slamming his fists on the table beside him. He was crying. He shook Loki and yelled about how he'd abandoned him, decades of smothered sorrow gushing to light. Thor stumbled to the ground, then sat up and crushed him in a hug, alcohol tears falling on his shoulder. It was uncomfortable and foreign, but he bore with it; after a minute or so he patted his shoulder and took him to his room. 

The next day Thor invited him on an excursion. The old dread cropped up, but now with guilt that he should still feel so little after his brother had exposed his heart. This was the last chance. If he turned him down now, he might never come back. Loki decided to pretend the feelings were there, and perhaps they—or an understanding—would follow. He went with Thor to a place in the woods where they'd often played as children. Thor confessed that he'd behaved in a difficult way and asked for Loki's forgiveness, said he hoped to rebuild their friendship. Loki accepted the apology but offered a disclaimer. He told him that he wasn't being spiteful, he just didn't interact the same way that others did. Thor seemed to understand. He was optimistic, but Loki had a sinking feeling. 

The following days were strained. Distrust of Odin brought on by the wrecked village; playing a charade for the sake of his brother. Thor brought Loki into his circle of friends. Introverted and not prone to small-talk, Loki was painfully out of place. Gradually, though, he began reading the patterns of interaction. For his brother's sake he tried to adopt them, quenching indignation. Empty chatter, niceties and erratic outbursts were apparently the keys to maintaining the relationship.

But the wrecked village was still on his mind. By the time he made it back to the site, though, it had been hidden with magic. He used his mother's training to undo the barrier but was struck unconscious and awoke in a cell. Shortly afterwards, he was released, but all confrontations were silenced and investigations brought to frustrating ends with dangerous consequences should he push any further.

Meanwhile, Thor's group began to accept him. Thorny disdain returned. It wasn't him they accepted; it was his mask of meaningless sound. So devoid of substance, so shallow, so crass...they didn't care about the world outside their petty circle. His mask became a caricature. A schism widened between his contempt and his desire to reconcile, and the hated mask rubbed both aspects raw. Thor picked up on the currents of animosity. Confusion and frustration returned as he tried to find and address the problem, but each attempt at the finding the truth brought him to another mask. A second falling-out approached.

But everything ground to a halt when Loki met Sif... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for my destroyed village conspiracy, which wasn't ever mentioned in the movies, notes at the end of the last chapter :3


	2. Sif

He was introduced to her by Thor, at one of his loud talk-much-about-nothing gatherings. Loki wore his usual mask. At first she'd seemed engaged and polite, but as he played his act, her tone became simultaneously pleasant, flat and insulting. A sudden realization crept in that she was matching his caricature. She purposefully insulting him with a reflection of himself. He smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time. She excused herself, but he sheepishly asked her to stop and allow him to start over. Her expression was at first uncertain; then her genuinely cheerful look returned. As they conversed the others melted away and hours slipped past. Her story was deeply kindred to his own--he a scholar in a world where he was expected to be a fighter, she wielding a sword in a world that tried to give her a spindle. Both outcast, both under suspect, both frustrated under a shallow and dull-minded society. When he returned home that night his heart was full. 

He began willingly accompanying Thor. Sif and he began to meet separately. They talked and explored, their connection deeper stronger than anything he could've imagined. But still he was haunted by the secret of the wrecked village, a secret that was his burden alone. Another village was discovered, and a dread suspicion grew over the source of the hostility. As he'd found in his travels, there were rifts between worlds--cracks through which one could travel discreetly into another without the Bifrost. A search of the area yielded a rift to Jotunheim, home of the frost giants, ancient enemies from millennia past. There had been peace between their Realms for some hundreds of years since the Midgardian skirmishes and the treaty that ended them. Or had there? This time he wouldn't tell his family what he'd seen, or what he would do. He would act independently and let his consequences be on his own head. 

Meanwhile, Thor became jealous of his brother's deepening relationship with Sif. He'd always thought Sif had the same slippery feeling as Loki. In vain he had been trying to pin her down, but no efforts on his part could unlock the friendship which Loki—of all people!--had gained with such seeming ease. 

In the midst of that brewing resentment another change struck the family temperament. For a long time Odin's affection had been centered on Thor. Now as they edged closer to the throne it was lavished almost embarassingly. Thor was built up as though his coronation was a certainty, and he sunk beneath the weight of fame into debauchery. Loki watched him drink, fight, love and steal with alarming frequency and increasing stakes.

But perhaps his brother's drama was good, as it turned the public eye off Loki's investigation. He used his knowledge of portals to enter Jotunheim, either cloaked or in disguise, and listened. Even his being there would be taken as an act of war if he were known, but he continued his surveillance. The destruction was too aligned with a pattern of animosity to be overlooked. 

Back home, Odin continued his affirmation of Thor's wildness and Loki became bewildered. How could Odin not see the monster that was being created? Did he think that silence would cure the problem? The threat of kingship was closer by the day, and Thor was too strong-willed to hear any counsel. Worse was the worry of Odin's reluctance. If he couldn't face a belligerent son, could he face a hostile Realm? Each passing hour in the enemy courts whispered a cold 'no'.

His time with Sif became constant, a refuge from tangled life. They spoke of everything and anything. He had never encountered anyone who could match his intellect, interests, conversations; but even this happiness was soon overshadowed. 

Weeks of listening on Jotunheim paid off. He discovered to his horror that Odin was allowing the attacks as part of their 'peace treaty'. That explained the cloaked villages, the official silences! If this, then full-on war was only a thought away, and they had both armament and intention. Saying anything would lead to imprisonment. He had to think of something else...he had to prove their intentions to Odin before they caught Asgard unawares. On the other hand, if Thor was crowned in the lead-up--if he plunged the situation instantly into a fight--his impulsive nature would destroy them all. 

Then came news of Thor's coronation. 

A bittersweet door was opened. He would use the coronation as the vehicle for truth; he would use the Jotuns' already-simmering ambition to orchestrate an attack. A small detachment of troops would infiltrate the palace's vault during the ceremony and attempt to steal back an artifact of mighty power. The attempted theft would gauge both the reactions of Thor and of Odin. If neither were equipped to rule, then it was his duty to take the throne. 

Sif was the final block. The stress had worn on him, and his frequent absences were suspicious. She was curious, concerned, intelligent and aware enough of how he worked to know when something was wrong; a deadly combination if he needed to keep a secret. And he did. She couldn't know, or she'd be accused of treason if he failed. Besides, as the sister of Heimdall, her actions were closely monitored. To breathe a word even to the person he trusted as dearly as himself was to risk everything. It became a thorn between them.

As the coronation drew nearer, Loki went to Jotunheim undisguised and set his plan in action by telling their leader he was planning a coup. Once it was established came the hardest part. Before he sacrificed himself, before he reached the point of no return, he had to free Sif from entanglement. He stepped back and allowed Thor to step in. She couldn't be killed on his behalf. He couldn't risk the plan's exposure. 

Despite tears, long nights awake, nausea and stress, he pushed her away; as a final severance, he cut her prized hair while she slept. That act, childish and spiteful and horribly betraying from a former friend, severed his connection not only to her but to himself. It symbolized the death of his previous life. If he was to commit treason, to kill in the name of peace, he needed a new armored persona as a vehicle. Loki fled through the rift to Svartalfheim and mourned. In the days he spent there he re-shaped himself. He created a new identity of power, charisma, and wit spiked with condescending vitriol. It beckoned others in while building a wall to stop them coming closer, thorny and sweet at the same time. 

When he returned everyone was astonished at the change. He engaged others with confidence and snark, building some up and cutting others down to the amusement of all watching. He smiled, laughed and ran circles around them with scathing wit. His new persona was at once acidic and magnetic. Soon he was held on equal estimation with his brother. 

Thor was confused and unsettled. He began to wonder if he had read his brother wrong all those years, and if they could rebuild their friendship after all--but Loki's plans were set. Beneath a superficial re-establishment of goodwill his war plan waited to unfold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIFKI SHIPPERS *sob* AHOY! *plays taps from the front of the boat as it sinks by my own doing*


	3. Coronation

The days leading up to the coronation were heavy with sorrow and aching dread, second-guessing, regret. What he was about to do would shape the fate of an entire Realm. Even so, Loki was determined to press forward. Time was running short. Thor's aggression would destroy them, and so would Odin's passivity.

When the day of the coronation came, everything played out perfectly. The detachment was caught red-handed and the reactions were as predicted: hot-headed impulse on Thor's side and timid passivity on Odin's. Beneath Odin's exhortations of temperance and wisdom, his only indignation was at the Jotuns' breach of terms. The lives taken meant nothing to him; not those who had died today, not the ones who had died in the sacrificial villages, not those who would continue to die in secret. Loki's blood simmered.

A small part of him faltered, though. This had only been the test. Only his toes were in the water. If he stepped out now, no one would be any wiser to his involvement. If he continued there was the chance of dying unredeemed, called a villain and a lunatic. Was it worth the risk? It didn't matter. Disaster either came now to only him, or later to all of Asgard. If now, then he could bear that destruction alone for the sake of his people.

The greater plan would be set into motion.

Not that he pictured himself as a perfect king; but perhaps, as one who had devoted his life to preparation for the role, he could be a good one. 

The first task was to highlight Thor's blind aggression in a way that Odin would grasp. Even if the lives of his people were but a number, he would surely recognize the threat to his own power base. Thor was already contemplating an attack on Jotunheim. Loki provided a slight nudge in that direction, and Thor gathered him and the Warriors Three to launch a secret assault. Before they left, Loki alerted Odin.

The attack on Jotunheim meant war between the two Realms if not for Odin's intervention and apology, both of which were meekly given. The five were taken home, and Thor was stripped of his powers and banished. Thus was the first goal accomplished--but something had happened on the frost giant's realm that brought the entire plan to a halt. While fighting in Jotunheim, Loki 's wrist had been seized by a frost giant. His skin became like theirs. After Thor's banishment he raced to the vaults to confirm his new dread. When he touched the ancient artifact that had been the giants' objective, he became Jotun himself.

Odin confronted him in the vaults and Loki questioned until he got the truth: Loki was Jotun, adopted as an infant during the war for the purpose of possibly staving off hostility between the realms. He was “the monster parents told their children about at night”. Thor truly had been the favorite child, and there never was a chance of his inheriting the throne. Loki's carefully built shields were shattered by betrayal. Thor's overlooked infractions, preferred status, ready counsel even when unavailable to all others, propelling through ranks, turning failures into glowing success--in tears he lashed out at Odin, who, weakened already from the heartbreak of his golden son's banishment, collapsed into coma-like Odinsleep.

After Odin was moved to a place to regenerate, Loki re-built his mental state. Had his whole upbringing been a lie? No. Even from his youth he had taken his outlook and education into his own hands. The impact of Odin's lie had no effect on his identity. He had never lived as a Jotun then; he didn't have to live as one now. None of the lies, ill-favor and marginalizing had an affect on his mission. As for his heritage, if he was not to be king by blood, he would be king by right. His careful studying of history, political theory, laws and governments throughout the Realms gave him a greater claim to the throne than even Thor's royal parentage. Now, with Thor banished and Odin incapacitated, it fell to him to rule.

But beneath his layers of bravado Loki was deeply shaken. A torrent of grief and anger had burst from within their mental imprisonment and spilled across his painstaking plans. He tried to stifle it, tried to rationalize it, tried to ignore it--but though the feelings were buried, they lived. He visited the banished Thor on Midgard and lied, told him his banishment had extended and Odin was dead. While there he found Mjolnir under quarantine in the same place where Thor was held. He had heard the spell Odin placed upon it as he banished Thor: that only those proven worthy could lift wield the hammer and its power. To his horror and disgust, he was unable.

Back on Asgard he wrestled with himself, justifying his actions even as he condemned them; but as the hot coals of Odin's revelation sank deeper into his heart his reason began to burn with them. The goal of inaugurating a just rule took equal measure to a thirst for proving his worth. He conspired with Laufey, his biological father and ruler of Jotunheim, to kill Odin. If he could then kill Laufey before the murder was carried out, his mettle would be proven, his father's affirmation won and the Jotun war effort severely set back. 

Meanwhile, Sif and the Warriors Three—Thor's closest friends and Asgard's strongest fighters—were suspicious and discontent with Loki's sudden ascension. They went to Midgard to retrieve Thor. Loki was aware of their plan through all-seeing Heimdall's service. Simmering with a lifetime of anger and betrayal, he sent one of his father's alien weapons to kill Thor. If Thor was slain in the encounter, good for Asgard. If he somehow defeated the thing...perhaps Loki would deal with him.

While Thor fought the weapon, Loki's trap unfolded. As the frost giants entered the chamber in which Odin slept, Loki turned on them and killed Laufey. His mother witnessed and called him a hero. But Thor returned, having bested his adversary and regained his powers, and attacked Loki. Loki escaped and set off for the Bifrost—Asgard's main bridge between realms. Before Odin awoke and undid his work through useless pandering and reparation attempts, and before Thor destroyed them all with a rash and brazen attack, he had to finish what he had started. He used the Bifrost magic as a weapon to begin destroying Jotunheim.

Thor caught up with and confronted him. Blinded with hurt and confusion, Loki attacked. Their fight ended in Thor's favor when he put Mjolnir on Loki's chest and pinned him to the ground. Thor then destroyed the Bifrost, but most of Jotunheim was already gone. The explosion of the shattered Bifrost threw Loki from the bridge. Thor caught hold of his staff and Odin, newly awakened, caught hold of Thor. Hanging over the abyss, Loki shouted that he could have done it. He could have made Asgard safe; he could have been a good king. He could have made Odin proud.

But Odin said no.

At that moment Loki realized fully what he had done. Far from averting destruction, he'd gone out of his way to create it. He'd almost decimated an entire realm, albeit a realm of volatile warriors set on killing them. He had tried to murder his brother. Not only had he deviated from his attempt to save his people, he had also undermined his personal quest to prove himself worthy.

He had done wrong. His crimes were worthy of punishment; but he would not take it at their hands. He had done this much himself and would finish in the same way. Loki released the staff and fell into the abyss.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! It's part of a series. Each one took sort of a different narrative tone, so they have a similar but different flavor I think. 
> 
> As for my destroyed village conspiracy, which wasn't ever mentioned in the movies--why was Odin so complacent when their millenia-old enemies got a special ops team into their most guarded hall of weapons of mass destruction? Why did he call his successful fighters back with a deep apology and then banish Thor? If he was allowing a large, hostile, angry nation (obviously brazen on the brink of war, if all it took to commit such an act was a nudge from Loki, and obviously coddled to the point where they could adopt that kind of attitude) to trample all over his borders like that, how much else was he allowing and for how long? If even that couldn't provoke him, what else might've got past the radar? That was my thinking in including this event :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! :D


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